Salad

When you think of salad, what do you think? Most people think, first, of lettuce. Romaine, red leaf, boston, butter leaf, etc. But, lettuce is most surely THE main ingredient. Also, the "dressing" generally consists of a vinegar/oil mix with spices. That said, I need to recount when I moved out to California with this VERY basic idea of food in my head. I was invited to a get-together on a friends boat (everyone has a boat out there it seems, as well as a hot tub and pool). I asked what I could bring. I was told that there were "two of everything" and that one person was bringing a salad, perhaps I could bring one as well. So, I mix the cruet (the free one from good seasons when you buy the packets) and mixed it with Balsamic, white wine and salvati vinegar, freshly ground black pepper, sea salt (even back then, I was ahead of my time), paprika, freshly chopped garlic, onion powder, some romano grated cheese and olive oil. On the salad itself, made of butter leaf lettuce and arugula, I added, green and black olives, vidalia and red onion, grape tomatoes, cucumber, shaved carrots and and freshly crushed italian croutons (baked with cheese). SO, we get to the boat, do all the introductions, settle in. There are to be fireworks in the bay this evening (fourth of July) and it is FREEZING. Let me say this as an aside. I lived in California for five years and had quite a few visitors. Every time I told them, BRING LONG PANTS AND A JACKET OR COAT. You see, an hour from San Francisco, anywhere in the bay area where I lived, once you are on the water, it gets CHILLY. I mean, we ended up with down blankets wrapped around us by 9pm when the fireworks started. COLD. Didn't Mark Twain say, the coldest winter I ever spent was the summer I spent in San Francisco? I think so. Or some famous writer....back to the salad. We all get ready to have dinner and the first thing you have (which is the last thing you have in Europe, just saying) is the salad. SO, Ms. (as Miss or Mrs. is insulting...god help me) Earthy-crunchy with the Birkenstocks and dreads, brings out her salad. In it is: tangerines, dandelion greens, cashews, cranberries, almonds, lemon rind and walnuts. She dresses this with rasberry puree' of some sort and puts it out. I put my salad out, put crumbled gorgonzola cheese on top and dress it with my heavily vinegar laden dressing. No nuts, no fruit, no lawnclippings. Needless to say, at the end of the night, my salad is gone, hers is still pristine, sitting on the table. Let this be a lesson, people. If you are asked to make a "salad", make a SALAD. You have your fruit salad, that includes, SURPRISE!!! FRUIT! Then you have your "granola salad" that includes, fruits, nuts and flakes (and, as my father said, is the majority of California inhabitants). But when people say salad, THINK oil/vinegar and spices. C'mon people, life should NOT be this difficult. Fruit salad means just that....apples, peaches, melon, watermelon, etc. Do NOT confuse the two, PLEASE, I beg of you. Let's not make life more difficult than it needs to be, ok?

...and why isn't my butt smaller?

The term, working your ass off is a lie. Currently, I am working two jobs. One as sedentary...OH, I mean SECRETARY...and the other catering for someone else. Mostly, the first job is self-explanatory. I do a LOT of work, don't get me wrong, but all from a butt planted firmly in chair. The other, I do NOT sit down. Example, today I will drive south (one hour) meet client at 11am for party tomorrow. We will discuss setup, service times, bartending, etc. The menu is all set. Then, I drive to pick up food for today's event (drive one hour) get all the necessary equipment, drive yet another hour north, for the party at 1pm, starting at 2pm, ending at 9pm....take down, clean up, drive equipment back to facility, wash any dishes, back home. I'm assuming by 11ish. In between is cooking, serving, possibly bartending and always cleaning. Wake up tomorrow, head out by 9:30, drive hour to get equipment/food, bring to party, ending at 6pm, again, clean, take down, wash, drive home. I will gain weight. DO NOT ASK me how this happens. I do not eat while at work (this is a no-no) and I certainly don't drink...that would make me the Shit-faced caterer...not attractive. AND, I am representing someone else, they might be a bit peeved if they got a phone call saying "one of the ladies is doing shots with my son"...right? SO, to review...I want to know how people like my brothers can inhale my plate full of Italian chicken and Risotto RIGHT before going to sleep and LOSE weight, while I can go two days without food in 100degree heat and gain? Anyone?

Korean Noodles (Job-Chae)

I am always willing to try something new...well, when it comes to certain things...wink, wink. Most of my ideas I get from going different places (ya, real world traveler I am - NOT) and hearing people talk about what they had that they liked. Sometimes, I'll insinuate myself on a conversation just to ask about food. Though, this is not the case here. The ONE thing I do for myself is have my nails done every two to three weeks. I go to Water's Edge Spa on the Newburgh Waterfront. The ladies there are fantastic. AND, the great thing about this place is that it is right above The Blue Martini. Get there a few minutes early, go in and see the bartender, tell him you are going upstairs for a manicure (or whatever) and order a Kiwi/Lime Martini (they WILL bring this drink back by the time I'm done bugging them) Bring it upstairs with you and enjoy. They have a beautiful deck overlooking the hudson that you can sit on while waiting for your nails to dry/color to take/highlights to bake, etc. Or, sit and sip in the massage chair while getting a pedicure. Does it get any better than this? I think not. THAT and the ladies, again, wonderful! LOVE THEM. I digress (technically, I seem to get more like de-railed than sidetracked most of the time)...SO - one of the ladies working there and I were talking about my blog and food. She was telling me of a customer that wanted her to make this Noodle salad for her. I asked her to send me the recipe as I was going to my brother's house for a soiree (ummm - drinkfest) and I'd like to bring something different. Besides it sounded WONDERFUL. So, she tells me I probably won't find the Job Chae noodle (made with Sweet Potatoes - but don't let that fool you, it's a different taste you would NOT be able to guess, but awesome). I FOUND them...go figure, in a Filipino store. You know, not to sound racist here, but this is why it is particularly difficult for a layperson (i.e. me) to identify the different areas/regions of Asian/Filipino/etc. I go to this store, they have Chinese stuff/Filipino/Korean/Vietnamese/Japanese, etc. AND, here's the kicker, the guy behind the counter spoke spanish...Is it me? Again, de-railed...SO - here's the deal. And, Min, if you are reading this, YES, I gave it my own twist...sorry.

1 Bundle Job-Chae Noodles (it's a lot)

1 1/2 lbs Thinly sliced marinated beef (I used sirloin marinated overnight in teriyaki sauce)

2 carrots sliced lenghtwise, thin

1 Large Onion (I chose Vidalia) thinly sliced

1 1/2 pounds fresh spinach

1 small package Mushrooms

Soy Sauce, Sesame Oil, Olive Oil, Chopped Garlic, Ginger, Sugar, Salt, Pepper

Mix sliced beef with garlic (2 teaspoons), sugar (1 tsp) Ginger (1/4 tsp) Sesame Oil (2 tsp) salt and pepper, stir fry till mostly cooked through (cooks quickly when sliced thin) and set aside.

Stir fry Onion, carrots and mushrooms in olive oil alone, set aside, drain.

Boil water and add spinach. Cook JUST until it wilts, remove from water, immediately run under cold water, drain, (squish out all the excess water) season with salt, little garlic, sesame oil - set aside.

Cook noodles in boiling water 6-7 minutes, drain and RINSE WELL. They almost feel "rubbery" and are usually clear, leaving the water a nasty gray color. Don't ask, just trust me...

Add meat back to frying pan, then toss noodles in with 2 tbsp sesame oil, 1 tsp olive oil, 2 tbsp soy sauce, 2 tbsp garlic, salt and pepper and a little more ginger (depending on your taste). Continue to toss/move around pan until the noodles absorb the sauce and become brown. Use cooking shears to cut the noodles as they are VERY long...

Finally, toss all ingredients together in a large bowl using gloves (don't forget to rinse that powdery stuff off) taste the noodles. You may prefer a little more garlic, salt, pepper, etc. I added sesame seeds at the end with shaved carrots on top for presentation. It was a HUGE hit...I did leave one thing out.

The original recipe calls for 2 eggs beaten, mixed with 1 tsp of corn starch and water. You fry it, crepe style, turn it once, then - when cooled, slice thin and add to the top of the noodles. I didn't do this...up to you.

SO - I don't know if it was the alchohol, but I got a TON of compliments on this dish. Thank you, Min...I appreciate it. I feel we'll be talking a LOT, especially since both our husbands are crazy enough to have built chicken coops and get chickens...both insane about self-sufficiency...THAT - for another day.

From loaf to balls... ;-)

I was just curious, do most people do what I do and make meatballs with the EXACT same ingredients? Maybe a little more garlic and some crushed parsley...Isn't meat LOAF just a giant meat BALL? Only baked...actually, there are a few more ingredients depending...

My grandmother (deeeep breath: whom we called Oma, yes it is German - she was an Italian traitor...her last name was Caputo and HER mom Luchese, she met Ludwig Weisbecker, ran away and went back to Germany with him...she NEVER told anyone she was Italian again...LOOONG story; breathe...), Phyllomena Caputo (Phyllis) was a cook like no other, and passed this talent to my Mother, Karin - who is THE best cook anywhere, hands down. NO ONE comes close to her. This is where I got my love and (some say) talent from.

When I was younger, every Sunday was Gravy* and Macaroni+ day. I would wake up to the most wonderful smell of that Gravy cooking on Mom's stove. So, I'd sit in the kitchen, and watch at first, then I got to help. Does anyone remember eating the raw meat/ingredients from the meatballs? We did it all the time. Yummy. Wouldn't try that now, would ya? So, when I tried to make the meatballs (before I had an aversion to sticking my hands into that mixture) I would take a hunk of the meat, and start to roll it...here's where Oma comes in...

Oma: Your're rolling it the wrong way.
Me: What?
Oma: You are rolling it clockwise, it needs to be rolled counter-clockwise.
Me: What's the difference?
Oma: It tastes better when you roll it counter-clockwise.
Me: You can't be serious. That's stupid.
Oma: #SMACK#

I dropped the meatball and from then on, rolled the meatball counter-clockwise. Of course, you also have to broil them (only three or four go into the gravy for taste and cook that way) and when you turn them - which had BETTER be often so they don't lose the "ball" shape - you use a SPOON - again, learned from a smack and a tsk, tsk, tsk...I miss my grandparents. I was lucky enough to have all four of them till I was 14 years old. I learned a lot from watching, and the kitchen is still my favorite place to spend time with my mother. I wish that for every young person. My daughter goes to her "Oma's" house and watches her for Thanksgiving and Christmas. These memories you never lose...

*Gravy is RED made from fresh or canned san-marzano chopped tomatoes, tomato paste, olive oil, basil, parsley, oregeno, fresh ground pepper, sea-salt, garlic (lots of garlic), onions, pecorino romano cheese and occasionally white wine, sometimes - if you want a meat sauce: use pancetta chopped, sweet & hot sausage out of the skin, ground veal, pork and beef. I will NOT argue this being called Gravy, this is what I grew up calling it, this is what if forever shall be known as. And, by the way...it HAS to be made in a pot that is super-sized...I'm talking Army base-feeds hundreds-big. I don't know why, that's just the law.

+Macaroni is Pasta. Does not matter if its rotelli, spaghetti, linguini, cavetelli, etc.

Loaf of Meat

Right...EVERYONE's had it, EVERYONE makes it. But is it EVER the same? I think not. Meatloaf, to me, is more like "kitchen-sink-loaf". I throw everything in. There are your basic ingredients that go in every single time. Ground Pork, veal and beef. Breadcrumbs (italian seasoned and fine...panko breadcrumbs are GREAT, but not in meatloaf..) Egg. Salt. Pepper. Onion (either powder or chopped onion). Garlic (fresh or powder, depending on how lazy I am). These are the standards. Last night, the bastard ingredients consisted of Three tablespoons of the following: Heinz 57, Horseradish sauce, BBQ sauce and Dijon mustard. I then liberally added shredded Asiago, Parmesan and Romano cheeses. Now, I'm not a big prissy baby...but one thing I can NOT do is smush (yes it's a word, damnit) up the meat/ingredients with bare hands. Freaks me out...and ruins a good manicure. Picture using a toothpick to remove raw meat from under a nail...GROSS. So, I wear surgical gloves*. I smush it all together, form an "eggish" shaped loaf, and pop it into the oven. Last night, I threw four sweet italian sausages in the pan so the drippings would add to the flavor. Also, a little adobo sprinkled on top this time made it AWESOME. So, next time you have more condiments than bare bones ingredients, do the loaf. It can't come out bad....

*wash the gloves first with soap and water, they have yucky powdery stuff on them...

Dinosaurs extinct? I think not...

So, we've all heard about Triceratops, Tyrannosaurus rex, etc...there was ONE that never died...it's a vicious monster that is SO small, he usually goes undetected. It's the horrible Triglyceride. My doctor has found him, he lives in my blood. How did he get there? This sneaky monster is a great chameleon...he disguises himself. Somedays, he appears as a brown ale with a foamy white head and a clover shape in the foam...saying "Oh for fooks sake, have a wee pint lass"...other days, he may be pink or blue, carrying a piece of fruit, covered by a floral umbrella "Ya Mon! Every-ting gonna be ahright" with steal drums in the background... Though, he generally gets me in the form of a smooth fellow, probably wearing a fedora tipped over one eye, humming a Sinatra tune...he comes with three olives and is ALWAYS "shaken, not stirred". So, this little bastard has now invaded my blood...to the tune of 385 units. You'd think rating a high number is good in life...right? Shades of my report card...but I digress. I should be (WE should be) no higher than 180...uh oh. Doc says "if you just stop drinking...." Actually, he said a LOT more than that, but I basically heard Charlie Brown's teacher at that point....so...what to do...I will figure something out. HEY! They have True Blood for vampires, the "synthetic" blood...think I can find "True Stoli"?

Made Jamaican Jerk Chicken and Ribs for good friend Sarah and Evan today....she said they ROCKED! Totally worth it....AND, being as how I'm a bit more conservative than they, I almost named the dishes Conservative Chicken, Republican Ribs and Palin Potato salad....but I digress...I did my absolute best for two people I love and respect...the fact that they enjoyed it made it TOTALLY bipartisan BBQ!!!!

The beginnings...

So, I've been cooking forever it seems. I LOVE, LOVE, Love cooking. As my mother says, who is a VERY wise woman (and a strong German - so her opinion IS fact) "when you cook for someone who appreciates it, you get better and better". And I have a husband to whom I am solely responsible for adding almost 60 pounds. I KNOW! This is NOT healthy....but he is happy...isn't this what matters most? My kids constantly tell me to go on "Hell's Kitchen". One of my favorite shows. However, I think I would be totally able to out-scream/curse Gordon Ramsey...and they'd have to "bleep" me out way more than anyone there. Because, you DO NOT yell at me like that. EVER.... I tried watching the more popular cooking shows, and to this I say to you...trust only Lidia Bastianich. AMAZING...I've eaten at Becco in NYC. UNREAL, and cooked my way through most of one of her books. Two words, YUM ME.... Giada? Really? Who trusts a skinny bitch that doesn't splash, splatter or have a hair out of place....Rachel? Annoying....EVOO? C'mon jackass...is it really that hard to say Olive Oil? Ucchh. I can't. As for the men, I enjoy Guy Fieri's Diner's Drive-in's and Dives...cooked a LOT from that show...my favorite is the deep fried, egg-roll wrapped Monte Cristo's...to die for. But Bobby Flay? Some eyebrow waxing going on there, and probably manicures...don't trust him. So that's it for now. I will write about my first "paid" job tomorrow...went well today.